Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Two Truths in this World

There are but two truths in this world. First, we all die. It is an inevitable bridge that cannot be avoided. The second great truth of this world is this: If you ever decide to volunteer for BYUSA and are placed in charge of an event, you can know without a shadow of a doubt that something will go wrong. I am doing the "Battle of the Bands" that will be happening tonight. I don't know how many people we will get there. I am hoping for two hundred. If I get two hundred I will be very happy. This is what happens when the event is scheduled during the day of a football game and when Thanksgiving break is right around the corner. I've spent more than three hundred hours on this stupid thing.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Sexiest Thing That a Woman Can Do

I had a short stint as a dating advice blogger. It didn't last long. I think I posted twice on the blog and then I was chased out of the dating blogger realm right after that. I guess that is what you get when you write about how a woman shoudn't be surprised when her man is no longer interested in dating her after if he goes for a kiss and is rejected and that living a life without dating is a better and more fulfilling life than dating. I don't ever think that I have suffered from the "prince charming" syndrome. I suppose that is because I am not Prince Charming.
I share this because I don't want any of my readers to expect that I am going to say the slightest thing romantic regarding the sexiest thing that a woman can do. That would be against my blogging nature. I would be a blogging hypocrite were I to say that the sexiest thing that a woman can do is smile and kiss you on the cheek after you kiss her. You could consider me a blogging charlatan were I to state that a woman who runs up to hug you unexpectedly is a dime piece. People would perceive me a phony were I to state that the sexiest thing that a woman can ever do is tell you that she loves you in a rainstorm and then kiss you when she is soaking wet.
No, none of those are me as a blogger and so I will share with you the sexiest thing that a woman can ever do.
The sexiest thing that a woman can ever do is not finish her meal when you have taken her out to dinner. There, I said it. Now I will not be surprised if I walk out of my condo and am tarred and feathered by an angry mob of women. I will not be the slightest bit surprised if I am whipped with a cat of nine tails by all the members of the Anti-Austens. I will not be surprised if Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Reese Witherspoon, and Sandra Bullock bury me up to my shoulders in sand and stone me.
Now allow me to explain myself. I do not do this for some vain purpose. Not finishing your meal does not mean that I think that you're sexy because I think you will starve yourself for the sake of saving a few pounds. In fact I do not care one bit. It has nothing to do with the woman herself.
I do it because I am a miserly fellow. To my very core, I am a miserly fellow. I love saving money.
You may be wondering, "why then would I want someone to not finish that which I have paid for?" The answer is quite simple. For quite some time I would get upset when a woman would not finish her meal. However, as time has progressed and as dates have progressed, I have become a little bit wiser.
If there are two things that I love in the world they are good food and leftovers. "Waste not, want not," as my grandmother would say. Consider this: My date has the appetite of a small bird. Then the check comes, and I simply ask for a leftover bag from the waiter and begin to shovel both leftovers into one doggy bag. I then take the doggy bag home and eat it the next day.
While eating the leftovers the next day I think one of two things. If the date was good, I think about how great the date was. If the date was bad then I think to myself, "well at least I have these leftovers."
You can imagine my horror when last week my date finished her meal. A completely normal thing to do. I cannot blame her in the slightest. Though all the logic in the world be on her side, how dare she finish that meal. I was looking forward to eating that food the next day. She was a good date but I don't know if I can go out with her again. I am one hungry man.

So ladies, until next time...
be sexy.

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Long Walk of Shame

The road that he was traveling down was paved with good intentions,
But so was hell.
He turned left onto 700 North
How could this happen? How did this happen?
He really did have good intentions.
He turned right on university avenue
He just harmlessly flirted with a cute girl, like he had hundreds of times before. How was he supposed to know?
But the fact was he knew she was a girl. Not a woman but the girl.
He turned right onto canyon river road.
Perhaps providence would smile upon him and he would be hit by a rogue Frito Lay truck.
There was no Frito Lay truck.
He swore this would never happen again,
No not after the last time
By this time he had reached bulldog blvd.
The light was red but he drove forward hoping that there would be a Frito Lay truck going the opposing way.
There was no Frito Lay truck going the opposing way.
He reached Helaman Drive and turned right
He wished that he could deny the fact. He wished that he could say he didn’t know
But he knew.
He knew from the beginning that she was
He reached Hinckley Hall and he turned right and parked.
He got out of the car and began to take that ever so short walk across the street
While it was a short walk across the street,
It was a long walk of shame
He looked for that Frito Lay truck
but there was no rogue Frito Lay truck
And then picked the freshmen up for the date.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


The closest thing that I have ever had to a functioning and real relationship ended on Saturday. The sad thing is that we weren't even exclusively dating. I liked this girl and that usually does not happen. In fact with the exception of one time I have never had this happen. Very rarely do I like an indivdual. Very rarely do I ever remain in a relationship long enough to like a girl. However, this time I think that it really happened. I really think that I liked her and in the end I got shafted. This in many cases would cause me to be upset, but I dont know what happened with me, but for the most part I am not upset.
Allow me to explain. I asked this girl if things between us were ever going anywhere. She replied with a surprising no. When I asked why she quoted her marriage and family therapy teacher who said that when you see that there is a major issue early on in a relationship you should avoid that relationship.
   When I asked what the problem in the relationship was she recalled a discussion that we had a week prior when I explained that I was stressed and when I was stressed this stress happens to boil over to other parts of my life. It tends to shift the relationship that I have with others and the relationship that I have with myself. She asked me to change it. I said that I couldn't. I wish that I could, but I cannot. Not in the way that she wanted it. Immediate and direct.
  The next week I was eating fish taco's with her and she ended it. Due to that reason. Because I could not change the fact that stress and anxiety does not change for me. It is not like a switch that I can turn on and off. It comes and it goes and I am just beginning to learn about how I work and how to manage things.
Unbeknownst to her she ended things in perhaps my most feared way. I have always feared that I would like someone and she would end it due to my depression. Change with me does not come immediately. Depression has been a constant in my life. stress that exists with that depression exists within my life is a constant. I have come to the conclusion that try as I might there will be issues that tear me up. There will be stresses that I will have.
For those of you who have never experienced such stresses and depression I wish that you never do. However, I wish you to be far more understanding of it then you already are. It is not something that can be controlled. It is not a character flaw. It is a real issue. It is a problem. For those of you who do deal with the issue, which out of twenty seven readers that I have following me I am bound to have one, I suppose you know what I am talking about.
And so you may be wondering why I am saying I am not sad about the thing I feared most happening to me. Well I don't know really. I don't really understand. There are a variety of reasons. With time and separation comes realization. I realized that this girl had her own problems. That perhaps she was not as infallible as I had once perceived her to be. Also, that experience taught me valuable lesson and I am glad that it occurred. It allowed me to come to a realization within my own life. I realized that I need someone who is understanding. I need someone who is willing to assist and help. Independence is important, but I need someone who can understand what I am going through. I am just glad to realize that she is not the one for me.
However, I think the greatest thing that I have realized and the greatest reason as to why I am not sad deals with this fact. My greatest fear has been realized and the event that occurred was far easier than living with that fear. If there is something that I have learned throughout my life it is this. That my greatest fears of failure are far more burdensome then the action. If the issue occurs again I know that I will survive. I know that I will get over it.
Well I apologize for not being funny enough. I promise that next time you tune in you will see a far different Rom.
Until next time

I hope your that the person you are dating/married to ends up breaking up with you so you can gain a valuable life lesson like I have.....

Just Kidding ; - )