Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Sexiest Thing That a Woman Can Do

I had a short stint as a dating advice blogger. It didn't last long. I think I posted twice on the blog and then I was chased out of the dating blogger realm right after that. I guess that is what you get when you write about how a woman shoudn't be surprised when her man is no longer interested in dating her after if he goes for a kiss and is rejected and that living a life without dating is a better and more fulfilling life than dating. I don't ever think that I have suffered from the "prince charming" syndrome. I suppose that is because I am not Prince Charming.
I share this because I don't want any of my readers to expect that I am going to say the slightest thing romantic regarding the sexiest thing that a woman can do. That would be against my blogging nature. I would be a blogging hypocrite were I to say that the sexiest thing that a woman can do is smile and kiss you on the cheek after you kiss her. You could consider me a blogging charlatan were I to state that a woman who runs up to hug you unexpectedly is a dime piece. People would perceive me a phony were I to state that the sexiest thing that a woman can ever do is tell you that she loves you in a rainstorm and then kiss you when she is soaking wet.
No, none of those are me as a blogger and so I will share with you the sexiest thing that a woman can ever do.
The sexiest thing that a woman can ever do is not finish her meal when you have taken her out to dinner. There, I said it. Now I will not be surprised if I walk out of my condo and am tarred and feathered by an angry mob of women. I will not be the slightest bit surprised if I am whipped with a cat of nine tails by all the members of the Anti-Austens. I will not be surprised if Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Reese Witherspoon, and Sandra Bullock bury me up to my shoulders in sand and stone me.
Now allow me to explain myself. I do not do this for some vain purpose. Not finishing your meal does not mean that I think that you're sexy because I think you will starve yourself for the sake of saving a few pounds. In fact I do not care one bit. It has nothing to do with the woman herself.
I do it because I am a miserly fellow. To my very core, I am a miserly fellow. I love saving money.
You may be wondering, "why then would I want someone to not finish that which I have paid for?" The answer is quite simple. For quite some time I would get upset when a woman would not finish her meal. However, as time has progressed and as dates have progressed, I have become a little bit wiser.
If there are two things that I love in the world they are good food and leftovers. "Waste not, want not," as my grandmother would say. Consider this: My date has the appetite of a small bird. Then the check comes, and I simply ask for a leftover bag from the waiter and begin to shovel both leftovers into one doggy bag. I then take the doggy bag home and eat it the next day.
While eating the leftovers the next day I think one of two things. If the date was good, I think about how great the date was. If the date was bad then I think to myself, "well at least I have these leftovers."
You can imagine my horror when last week my date finished her meal. A completely normal thing to do. I cannot blame her in the slightest. Though all the logic in the world be on her side, how dare she finish that meal. I was looking forward to eating that food the next day. She was a good date but I don't know if I can go out with her again. I am one hungry man.

So ladies, until next time...
be sexy.


  1. You're awful. But you're similarly great, so it's okay.

  2. I've been a victim of both instances, and let me tell you, a failed date sure feels better when you get a free meal the next day.

  3. wonderful.. however i agree to disagree because i am morally opposed to leftovers

  4. You always make be laugh Romney. That's the point of it all, right?