Sunday, September 30, 2012

Rom your love life is nuts, but how is teaching going?

Thanks friend I am glad you can ask. Here is a link to my teaching blog.

Along with my most recent story.

It is appalling to see what some of these kids write down for answers .Today I tried to explain what a democracy was through the use of an example of voting for a class mascot. I created three class mascots that included the following
 Vato Loco,

Intellectual kitten,

 and Curious George Lopez.

 I was most proud of curious George Lopez. I spliced a picture of George Lopez and put it on Curious George’s face. I thought the kids would like it, but they hated it.

Anyway, It failed miserably. Like really bad, but I guess that is the life of a first year teacher in SDC. I am not teaching to their level. I am teaching far beyond their capabilities and I am trying to see who is swimming. Thus far, not many people are swimming. This fact is exhibited by the following exit ticket. I asked, “what is a democracy?” One of the students responded with the following answer. 

                At least he remembered Curious George Lopez.
                                Until the next time, I’ll be watching my students monkey around.
Mr. E in 215.

Monday, September 24, 2012

The Curry Curse

Greetings readers,

Before I get going here I must make the following disclaimer: this is the first (and likely last) post on this blog which is not actually penned by Sir Romulous Jones the Magnificent Mormon.  With that said, I'll now proceed to break down the ever-curious "Curry Curse."

Some time ago, a colleague of mine by the name of John R. Evans informed me of this supposed curse.  I had not previously heard of anything so radical in all my days.  Professor Evans claimed to have empirical research that proved this curse to be real.  He told me, and I quote:
"Any time you take a girl out for Thai food, regardless of all other factors, it will absolutely, without-a-doubt be the last date you will ever go on with that girl."
Being one who has been on the more fortunate side of the dating scene, and also one who happens to love Thai food, I found Evans' claim to be completely nonsensical- until I tested it.

Story #1.  About this time last year I was dating a girl long-distance.  We missed each other, as might be expected, so she hopped on a plane to come spend a weekend with me.  One night that weekend we stopped at a nice Thai place for dinner.  The absurd thought that it was our last date did not even cross my mind.  As "fate" would have it, however, we broke up just a few days after she returned home.

Story #2.  Approximately six months ago I was set up on a blind date with a very attractive girl who hailed from the east coast.  Ironically, the Cupid here was everyone's favorite Rojo.  The blind date went surprisingly well, so I decided I wanted to take her out again.  We spent some time together over the next while in more casual settings before committing the curry sin, and interest was very evident from both her and me.  And then I had the brilliant idea of going out for Thai food...  I don't think I need to go into much detail here, but it will suffice to say that things fizzled about as quickly as they sizzled.  For better or worse, we both became extremely busy and that was the end of that.

Story #3.  Less than a month ago I started crushing on another would-be curry victim.  Things began slowly, but once the ball got rolling it looked like its course would be fairly tough to impede.  That is, until we went to dinner at yet another supplier of curry.  Incredulous to the idea that anything could go so wrong so quickly, I told her about the "curse" over dinner.  We laughed about it.  And then, just the very next day everything came to a swift halt and later that week she began seeing one of my good friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are taught in 2 Corinthians 13:1 that the truth will be made known to us by two or three witnesses.  I have given three sound accounts here (and believe me, it's happened more than three times) that should remove any doubt in your mind of the validity and reality of this curse.  I failed to mention in the individual stories that each of these relationships was not terminated immediately, but rather there was no desire to extend to another date following the deliciously poisoned Thai curry.  Every single one of these trips to get Thai food was actually very enjoyable in the moment; it was not until a few days later that I was left scratching my head.  If you have experienced the Curry Curse firsthand, please feel free to join the ever-growing online support group at  For those who have not yet fallen prey, consider yourself warned.

Sunday, September 16, 2012


Light the Menorah, sprinkle lamb's blood over the door, and let Elijah have the last bit of meal from the widow's barrel. Jew will never guess what I did tonight...
I kissed one of the chosen people. I have wanted to do this for quite some time now. Some would say that it is a fulfillment of prophecy, like unto the rebuilding of Solomon’s Temple. Alisa Malki, the first girl that I ever really liked, was Jewish.  Ever since that moment in time I have had two things happen to me. First, I have become an enthusiast, sympathist, and advocate for Israeli causes (I consider myself somewhere in the ballpark of the man in the Good Samaritan parable and Oskar Schindler). Second, I have an itching case of Matzah ball fever. 

            I took her out on a real kosher date (excluding the fact that her lips touched goyim such as myself). We went to an El Salvadorian night club. I'm guessing that she found it really attractive that I would take her to a place where they had both the worst papusas on the planet and also some of the least attractive people sensually dancing with one another on the dance floor. After this, I taught her to skateboard (I think I'm a little bit better than her). We talked about teaching since we both teach, and then she told me about her bat mitzvah that was on a yacht.   I think that was about one of the sexiest things a woman has ever told me.

            Anyway, it was a good time. I really don’t know what is going to happen. I mean, she seems pretty freaking Jewish (as well as pretty freaking gorgeous and interesting) and I am pretty freaking Mormon, and I am not looking to marry anyone who is not of the not-chosen faith.We'll see how things go... I may just have to take her out to Thai Food.
Well, until next time.

Being circumcised in mind, heart, and body,


Wait you are wondering about the bit about Thai food? There is a story behind it. Let me tell you… next blog post.