The closest thing that I have ever had to a functioning and real relationship ended on Saturday. The sad thing is that we weren't even exclusively dating. I liked this girl and that usually does not happen. In fact with the exception of one time I have never had this happen. Very rarely do I like an indivdual. Very rarely do I ever remain in a relationship long enough to like a girl. However, this time I think that it really happened. I really think that I liked her and in the end I got shafted. This in many cases would cause me to be upset, but I dont know what happened with me, but for the most part I am not upset.
Allow me to explain. I asked this girl if things between us were ever going anywhere. She replied with a surprising no. When I asked why she quoted her marriage and family therapy teacher who said that when you see that there is a major issue early on in a relationship you should avoid that relationship.
When I asked what the problem in the relationship was she recalled a discussion that we had a week prior when I explained that I was stressed and when I was stressed this stress happens to boil over to other parts of my life. It tends to shift the relationship that I have with others and the relationship that I have with myself. She asked me to change it. I said that I couldn't. I wish that I could, but I cannot. Not in the way that she wanted it. Immediate and direct.
The next week I was eating fish taco's with her and she ended it. Due to that reason. Because I could not change the fact that stress and anxiety does not change for me. It is not like a switch that I can turn on and off. It comes and it goes and I am just beginning to learn about how I work and how to manage things.
Unbeknownst to her she ended things in perhaps my most feared way. I have always feared that I would like someone and she would end it due to my depression. Change with me does not come immediately. Depression has been a constant in my life. stress that exists with that depression exists within my life is a constant. I have come to the conclusion that try as I might there will be issues that tear me up. There will be stresses that I will have.
For those of you who have never experienced such stresses and depression I wish that you never do. However, I wish you to be far more understanding of it then you already are. It is not something that can be controlled. It is not a character flaw. It is a real issue. It is a problem. For those of you who do deal with the issue, which out of twenty seven readers that I have following me I am bound to have one, I suppose you know what I am talking about.
And so you may be wondering why I am saying I am not sad about the thing I feared most happening to me. Well I don't know really. I don't really understand. There are a variety of reasons. With time and separation comes realization. I realized that this girl had her own problems. That perhaps she was not as infallible as I had once perceived her to be. Also, that experience taught me valuable lesson and I am glad that it occurred. It allowed me to come to a realization within my own life. I realized that I need someone who is understanding. I need someone who is willing to assist and help. Independence is important, but I need someone who can understand what I am going through. I am just glad to realize that she is not the one for me.
However, I think the greatest thing that I have realized and the greatest reason as to why I am not sad deals with this fact. My greatest fear has been realized and the event that occurred was far easier than living with that fear. If there is something that I have learned throughout my life it is this. That my greatest fears of failure are far more burdensome then the action. If the issue occurs again I know that I will survive. I know that I will get over it.
Well I apologize for not being funny enough. I promise that next time you tune in you will see a far different Rom.
Until next time
I hope your that the person you are dating/married to ends up breaking up with you so you can gain a valuable life lesson like I have.....
Just Kidding ; - )