Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Hammer

For the first time in more than 6th months there is something positive to report.
My kids are learning something. Not only are they learning something, I have dropped the Hammer on them. It is great. 
If there is one thing that I have been struggling with since being a teacher, it is the fact that I can't discipline a single soul. This does not bode well when you consider that the only difference between my children and individuals of the California State penal system are a couple of years, a few counts of man slaughter, and the occasional tear drop tattoo. 
For the majority of the entire last semester my students went ape sheet. 
With a teacher who granted such liberties as speaking in class without raising your hand, standing up and using a pencil sharpener without asking, and putting on your makeup while your teacher lectures, the students were finding it hard to stay on task. As the semester progressed, we had a couple more incidents. Studnts began to start walking in and out of class, inviting their friends to class, running around the school unattended, and occasionally bringing a camalback full of Vodka in the classroom.  
Things have changed this semester. Mr. Evans has been inspired by a couple of things. First Mr. Evans saw this YouTube Video Kudos Jamison Sheffer

I thought this was pretty funny and wasn't really effective, so I didn't do it. Then I met the real life, female, dread-lock version of this man. Her name is Mama Payne and she brought the mother freaking hammer. 
Not a real picture of Mama Payne
The first time that I observed Mama Payne throw down the hammer I crapped my pants. Some kid was chewing gum in her classroom and she lost her freaking religion. How do I know that she lost her religion? She told me, the rest of the class, and most certainly the kid chewing gum that she had lost it. All the fury and might that a sixty year old black woman could muster came out on this one kid. Within five minutes the entire classroom was silent. At the end of this and everyone of her rants Mama Payne asks the student "Are you gonna make me bring the Payne?"  Without question the student replies with a "no" 
"No... No What?" replies Mama Payne
Following this, the student replies with a "No Mama Payne please don't bring the Payne" each and every time. 
As time has progressed I have started copying what Mama Payne says. I don't have a cool way to threaten children with my last name, but I do my best to sound like a sixty year old black woman and it usually does the trick.

Anyway my classroom is a much happier place when I "Bring the Payne." 
next time 
Going Ape Sheet so my children don't have to. 


  1. "Ape Sheet" is the funniest thing that I have ever seen/read. I loved this. Now go and "lose your religion" on someone!

  2. That's awesome Romney. I wish I could go ape sheet, but every time I do one of my parents calls me and preaches about how I'm a role model and shit like that.