You may be wondering, where the heck I have been for about a month and a half. You may be thinking, "man that last post about Curious George Lopez was so damn funny, what the heck happened to Rom? He was on a roll." You may be wondering that, but in all honesty, you probably haven't wondered that. I'd like to think that people adored my blog enough to say this; unfortunately, I think that people read my blog about as much as I read other blogs. That is to say very rarely.
The comedy of my job has began to wear thin. For almost a month and a half I was entertained by the follies and the faults of my students. It is hard to explain how I felt at the time that I started to teach. I was entertained, but saddened by the foolish responses of my students. I used their responses as fodder for my blog. This was not a malacisious and ill spirited attempt to get a laugh. More so, I beleived that there was power to comedy. In fact I still believe that there is power to comedy. I think humor is nothing more than the truth revealed in an uplifting manner and I belief that many times it is far more poignent than drama. I believed, then, and I still beleive now that my blog presented the pathetic world that was and is my students lives. I was able to laugh at how pathetic their responses were and I was able to try and help these kids as much as possible.
As time has progressed, seeing my students failing has turned from an enjoyable pasttime to a frustrating reality. I cannot explain how upsetting it is to see your students fail time and time again. I cannot express how disheartening it is to prepare a lesson for an hour and a half, only to have it go over the heads of all of my students. It is hurtful it is frustrating. I joined Teach For America becuase I truly believed that I have the skill sets to change the lives of my students. I suppose in a way I still believe that. Every evening I start my lesson plans believing my students are going to get something out of the lesson that I have tauhgt them. Every morning I am filled with a hope that the day will be different than the last. Thus far my hope has provided no substance. No marked change has transpired within the lives of my children. No reading growth. No analytical enrichment, and certainly no increase in rhetoric.
Students still believe that Barak Obama is the person who makes all of the laws in the United States. They hold fast to the notion that Maximllion Robpspierre was Frances first millioniare, and the still believe that a democracy is Curious George Lopez.
I cannot tell you what I am accomplishing. I don't know if any lives have changed because of me. I am quite certain that anyone else could do as good or perhaps better a job than me at teaching these children. I don't know why I am doing any of this. I really don't. I couldn't tell you what I have accomplished, the only thing that I know is that I am suppossed to be here. I wish that it wasn't this way but it is.