Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Monday's at the choclate

Greetings from Provo Utah. Where the most common end to an introduction you will here is the relationship of another status. There is no place in the world like Provo. At least I hope that there is no place in the world like Provo. The frustration that is intrinsic to a life of celibacy drives even the most sane of people to madness. The thought of shedding the monk like vow of chastity we take on ourselves is almost maddening. one would believe that a religiously driven society that teaches abstinence before marriage would be less inclined to an obsession with the opposite sex, yet as Provo proves it is the exact opposite.
Indeed I myself am a victim to this rampant and consistent obsession with the opposite sex. Dating seems to rule the rest of ones life. It seems to outweigh, school, friends, and even Facebook. In nearly every facet of society people talk about the progression of ones dating life. It sickens me.
Almost paradoxically the only time that one can evade the constant barrage of questions regarding the opposite sex is when one finds himself on a date. Thus dating becomes an outlet to avoid the very topic that he is currently doing, which is dating. It is an addicting experience and it is easy for that to be that way. It feels good for an individual to agree to go on a date with you. It feels splendid to recieve affirmation from individuals. However, as of recent times I have become completely dependent upon the opinions of those who I date. My self affirmation is thus destroyed and in its stead is the affirmation of the women you date, which is never as satisfactory as those words which you sincerely give yourself. This is a very complex blog.
I have come to praise those who do not search for such an outlet. My friend Ian is a prime example. He has not gone on a date in an extended period of time. this is not out of an inability to date but rather it is out of an inability to find any substantial and worthwhile girl in Redlands, which for those of us who  have lived in Redlands understand how difficult it is to find someone of the opposite sex who is worthwhile. despite of the proverbial desert that Ian finds himself in he is managing to do things of far more value than I myself am doing at the present moment. He is coaching a swim team. He is reading books of philosophy. He has started a successful band. Indeed he is grooming himself to be a renaissance man. In contrast to that I am grooming myself to only be a groom. After this I will not understand what I need to do.
I see a psychologist every once in a while. We had a discussion about exactly this. She told me that I needed to expand my life. I agreed. Thus for the past month that is what I have been doing. I have been focusing on dating myself. It has been a great experience. I will tell you that. there is nothing more enjoyable than coming to the realization that you like youself.
For instance I have recently heard rumors about one date from my past that went ari. It was a hard pill for me to swallow. I thought the date went well and I thought that I treated my date with civility and curtasy but I guess that I was sorely mistaken. The girl reported that I was a jerk and a completely conceeded individual. While I am quite certain that this is simply sour grapes from not being asked out on a second date, the words cast by this individual are as sharp as ever. I have a profound amount of respect for her and who she is and to here that her feelings towards me are not mutual is something that really hurts. It was at this moment that I needed to step back and ask myself. Will I allow myself to be torn down by the opinion of someone else or will I decide to step back and examine the situation myself. I have tried to do the latter and I believe that it is working. No man can be completely certain however.
  I had a conversation with my friend from the Choclate regarding this very issue. She is currently going through the same experience that I am but in a far more intense situation. She is the victim of a bitter divorce and is experiencing the feelings that would be associated with going through a divorce. When such a thing transpires it is easy to feel worthless. It is simple to cave in and come to the conclusion that what is stated about you from others is valid. However, this woman is a complete inspiration to me. She remains steadfast. She is learning how to step outside her natural self. It is wonderful and splendid to see. I am very proud of her and will attempt to emulate the things that she does.
Well that is my little soapbox for the day. Goodnight. 


  1. Dear Rom,
    We really like your blog. You are a great writer! Sincerely,
    Girl at FrontDesk#1 in the FHSS Advisement Center

  2. Rom,
    We loved this post. It made us smile but we also enjoyed the point of view. Relationships and dating are difficult. We're glad you are able to see the ridiculousness of Provo.

    FHSS Advisement Center Girls